Filioque
by MelissaRose85
Summary: The life of a kunoichi. 20 drabbles. Sakuracentric. 1st of 4. Complete.


A/N: I know! Such a long time since I've done any writing at all! I'm still here, though, and planning to finish up the freakin' epilogue to SYWBL as soon as possible. Graduate school merely sidetracked me for, oh, a few months. And then massive writer's block hit. But now that I have a break, I will finish that up. But this is my newest project-select drabbles using different maxims in different languages. Many are unique to that language, but some have been translated over. Anyway, enjoy! It's a mix of stuff, but the Latin, quite rightly, focuses on Sakura.

_For future reference, the Spanish will focus on Naruto, Japanese on Sasuke, Chinese on Sai, and the final English one on Yamato and Kakashi._

* * *

"Filioque"

_20 looks into Sakura's life_

* * *

**Aurea mediocritas** - _The golden mean_

She has never given any thought to what life outside the shinobi world would be like. After all, it was what she knew, breathed, lived every day. She wouldn't change it for the world, or for some scraps of happiness found in coming home to a house of children or the security of a long life without numerous scars. She had never been the one to take the easy road.

But when she sees how the civilian women laugh, cry, age…she wonders if she made the right choice. They don't have scars weaving across their skin, or memories of starless nights spent worrying about the next kunai heading for their heart. They lack the wrinkles around her mouth, the lines in her brow, the finely-laced indentations on her shins that never leave because she wears her boots too much.

Still, when the Akatsuki invades the village and she watches them run to the safety of the tunnels, hiding behind whomever they can and throwing those they supposedly care about in the face of danger to preserve their own lives…she is grateful. She steps forward, ready to die for Naruto, for Tsunade, for everyone she knows and loves.

The envy doesn't last long when she sees that her life is infinitely better.

**

* * *

Busillis** - _Baffling puzzle _

She has stared at him every night they've been on this dreadful mission, wondering how he keeps his energy and innocence. He is bubbly, energetic, and everything bright in the face of irrepressible gloom. His blue eyes sparkle in a way she is sure hers never will, and she wonders how he is able to be so beautiful.

He is an indefinable something in her life, bringing out all the good in the world that she can't find on her own. No matter the circumstances, he is there to lift her higher and push her farther. And she is grateful.

**

* * *

Certe, toto, sentio nos in kansate non iam adesse** - _You know, Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore._

It has started like so many other missions. That alone should have tipped her off, she supposed, especially with the special considerations they were briefed on before leaving the village. But she was comfortable with the familiar feel of adrenaline at facing the unknown—she was complacent. And this was what it got her.

She couldn't believe what she was seeing until it was ultimately before her, but she was sure she would never forget it. Sai, with his ghostly handsomeness—and Naruto with his over-developed female body—were currently involved in the greatest jewel heist known to the shinobi world, and whatever they had been drugged with by the Mist shinobi, well, it was worth it. The blackmail material would be worth the failure of the mission.

As they continued to make out against the heavy granite column, each sure that the other was a figment of a genjutsu, she knew that the weirdness of the situation would not leave her until she was safely back home, laughing it off with Ino.

**

* * *

Credo ut intelligam** - _I believe in order that I may understand. _

She had watched as he appeared, black robe flowing with the red-clouded breeze, and she couldn't connect her brain to her heart. Everything had shattered into millions of fragmented memories of a black-haired little boy and his teammates, the noble little thing that had once defended her and protected her as if he cared.

Now, he stood on the edge of her oblivion, his grim mask in place and his intentions all but screaming at her. The version of Sakura trapped deep inside her mind was screaming obscenities, weeping and sobbing a mess of nothing into her soul. Not possible, she told herself over and over. He would never go this far.

But her eyes saw it, and her brain was slowly believing, at least just a small enough bit of the situation that she could finally see that he was beyond salvation—and yes, she would have to face him for those she loved.

**

* * *

Dum vita est spes est** - _While life is, hope is._

She lay on the forest floor, her blood mingling with the dirt and the leaves and the dwindling red chakra of Kyuubi. She could see his eyes as he tried to come back to her, but she couldn't reach him any longer. The scent of sandalwood wafted on the breeze, and she closed her eyes long enough to fortify her spirit before sticking her hand out yet again, praying he would take it and save himself.

**

* * *

Est queadam fiere voluptas** - _There is a certain pleasure in weeping. _

When all was quiet in Konoha and night had settled over the village, she contented herself with a cup of tea as she perched on the windowsill. It was her own ritual, something no one else had ever been privy to—she liked it that way. She could sit and feel the breeze, relishing in the twinkle of the stars and the chirping around her.

She inhaled a hot breath of steam from the tea, exhaling chamomile as she pictured the life she was so sure she would have. The bittersweet smile was hidden by the shadows as a cloud passed overhead, and the tears were not allowed any glimpse of the moon. This was her time, without masks, repercussions, or interference. Just feeling—a deeply buried welling of emotion that only she would ever understand.

**

* * *

Fluctuat nec mergitur** - _It is tossed by the waves but it does not sink_

She had felt sadness, despair, hope, and a deep weakening inside her heart all at the same time. Emotion was not a new thing for her, as she usually felt too deeply and for too long. But this mission had been too much way too fast, and she felt as if her cells were starting to pull apart wherever possible, rendering her into a pile of nothing.

As soon as they stopped to rest, she took off toward the nearby stream. The team would be content with the excuse of bathing, even though she had just indulged herself this morning. It was just a moment anyway, one that she desperately needed if she was going to stay strong in the face of this newest betrayal.

**

* * *

Gratia placenti** - _For the sake of pleasing_

She smiled at the nurse, and then the patient, and then the twenty-seven other people she saw that day. She grinned with Naruto over ramen as he exaggerated his tales of his latest missions, and her eyes reflected a genuine pleasant surprise when Sai presented his newest piece of artwork for their consideration. She nodded and waved at neighbors and merchants, a bounce in her step all the way home. She was Haruno Sakura, and no one would think differently on such a peaceful, uneventful day.

But when she was home, and the door had resoundingly shut behind her…her smile drooped, her eyes lost their sparkle, her entire body seemed to wilt with the pressure that no one saw. She would get up and do it all again tomorrow, and she would be so good at it that no one would question what they might have caught a glimpse of at some point. But tonight she would rest, and she would hide in her solitary life for as long as she could.

**

* * *

In puris naturalibus** - _Completely naked_

She had never been fond of her body. Sure, she was muscular and fit, just like, oh, every other kunoichi in the world. But the teasing words and haphazard insults throughout the years had taken their toll. She saw a too-wide forehead, limp, pink hair that didn't fit anyone's standards of beautiful. Her breasts were too small, her hips too wide, and her legs…why couldn't she have gotten Ino's? She was too fit, not soft enough, or some days, too soft and flabby. She was sure that her tummy hadn't been even remotely round when she was a teenager.

She never looked at herself in the mirror after a shower, dressing without the need for her own naked image burned onto her retinas. Sometimes, she went months without seeing what she looked like under her clothes. She forgot that there was a body there, much of the time, only seeing flaws in the mirror.

So when Naruto rounded the tree, brought to the stream from her screamed shout directed toward the stupid fish that just had to scare the living daylights out of her, she didn't understand his staring, his wide-eyed gaping at her naked body. She ducked into the water, but the damage was already done. Blue eyes were twinkling, desire running through them.

**

* * *

Justitia omnibus** - _Justice for all_

The little girl had been screaming all night, frightened by the shouts and the thrown objects she could hear shattering downstairs. It was an unending cycle, forever running through Sakura's brain. The little girl hiding in the closet. The little girl sneaking downstairs to get to training on time. The little girl's pretty smile hiding everything she had witnessed the night before.

Thankfully, it didn't last long. Her father, the asshole that he had been, left when she was young, and she and her mother got along well without him.

But as she watched the family in the market, this new little girl trailing her parents, a nervous tenseness in her shoulders, a wary glance between her parents to see who would crack the facade first, Sakura knew what she had to do. And when she finally saw the new little girl, whole and healthy and still young enough to survive the damage done, standing in Tsunade's office requesting to join the Academy…she saw justice.

**

* * *

Lex talionis** - _The law of revenge_

She never understood Sasuke. Not because she couldn't, not because she had never suffered, but because she didn't think she could ever throw away everything in her life for the sake of one emotion. His was an all-powering struggle to right one wrong, and she couldn't fathom letting one aspect of her life take over so completely.

But when she saw the light fade in her shishou's eyes, looked upon Shizune's body laid out by the Akatsuki that had destroyed her village…she could feel that all-encompassing hatred grip her. When she saw their cloaks appear in the distance like a death-shroud for her village, she didn't hear herself scream. But she felt it. And she charged.

**

* * *

Luctor et emergo** - _I struggle but I'll survive_

Her heart was breaking, slowly, intermittently, as each breath was wasted into the air. She could feel his pulse weakening, and no amount of chakra was bringing back the life she normally saw in his single, unhidden eye.

He was gasping now, and each raspy breath took the air from her own lungs. Blood was everywhere, crushing with the rock and the rubble of the once-beautiful village. Much like her own heart, crumpling from her own blood loss and the heartache she could feel spread about Konoha as more and more died.

She wasn't sure how she could make it through this, losing two sensei in one day.

**

* * *

Malum consilium quod mutari non potest** - _It's a bad plan that can't be changed._

"You know this is ridiculous, right? I mean, we can't just charge in, kunai drawn, and hope to the kami that Ishin-aitsu will throw his own weapon down and submit."

"Aw, Sakura-chan, have my plains ever failed before?"

"Running in half-cocked isn't a plan, baka," she muttered, already following him into the dark night.

It was too late to argue, anyway.

**

* * *

Nemo risum praebuit, qui ex se coepit** - _Nobody is laughed at, who laughs at himself._

She marveled at how he took the 'baka,' the 'moron,' the numerous insults hurled at him daily by friend and foe alike. He just shined on, each word rolling off his back no matter what he might have done to receive the petty remarks. He laughed, he grinned, he sparkled. She wished she was that strong sometimes.

**

* * *

Non omne quod nitet aurum est** - _Not all that glitters is gold_

The drawing wasn't anything unusual in skill, at least for Sai. He was always an excellent artist. But the picture she found of her, Yamato, and Naruto that he had hung in his dingy, faded apartment shone through the floating dust motes like bullion. It was the light source in this scraping existence, and she was at once thankful and humbled that she was able to be one of the few that had brought him back to some subsistence of humanity.

**

* * *

Omnia vincit amor** - _Love conquers all_

Hear heart kept trying to rise from where she had shoved it, deep deep down, and the inward battle matched the one taking place in front of her eyes. But he heart couldn't defeat him when she was twelve, and it surely wouldn't defeat him now.

**

* * *

Post tenebras lux** - _After the darkness, light_

When the sun rose after the battle, and everything had finally settled in what had once been her home…well, the chaos was brilliant in its splendor. Already rubble was being cleared from the roads, children were hopping around and trying to find playmates, toys, or merely something to occupy their time as parents and adults scattered about. Sounds trilled around her ears, hammers clacking and feet pounding the ground.

Above it all stood Naruto, Konoha's new Hokage, in his robed glory atop the tower. He was shining like the sun down on his village, and she smiled at the imagery. Picking up another heavy beam, she stood and rounded toward the hospital, where they were trying to rebuild at least one wing so they could so some quick healing when it was needed.

All around her were flowers, sunshine, and laughter. Joking men, playing children, shinobi on a smoke break. It had been the worst disaster they had ever seen, but the village bounced back so quickly, like it was business as usual. This is what she fought for, what she loved and cherished. The sunshine on a warm day, the giggling children running toward the makeshift Academy. The dark specter of Akatsuki was gone, and in its place her village had come back to life.

**

* * *

Ut incepit fidelis sic permanet** - _As loyal as she began, so she remains_

It was one thing for Naruto, or herself, or even Sai to badmouth the Uchiha traitor…but these faceless ANBU, dragging him through the woods to Konoha had no right. His problem was their problem—a team 7 problem, and she was damn sure they had never belonged to their team.

As they snickered, she steamed, her face glowing an angry red.

Finally, when she could take it no more, she jerked the chakra strings out of the nearest ANBU's hands, shoving him violently toward a gruesome collision with a maple tree. She didn't move to untie him, nor did she even glance at his face once she took over in formation. She continued on with the now-silent ANBU around her, as if it had been her job all along and she had just returned from a break.

**

* * *

Venienti occurrite morbo** - _Meet the misfortune as it comes._

As they stood by the man who used to be their friend, their nakama, they took the brutal backlash from the village as if it had always been heaped upon them. They didn't cower, they didn't break at the taunts or the jeers—they just continued on. Naruto would stare at them silently, wishing he could be beside them in this, the most important event in Sasuke's life, but they understood. He was doing what he could as Hokage by trying to lessen any sentence given to their friend.

They weren't sure he deserved it, but they had been brought up on the foundation that they were a team, no matter what happened. And teammates stood beside each other.

It was just one more thing, in the long list they had suffered under. They would make it through this like they made it through everything else, by persevering and keeping their heads ducked against the shattering wind. Nothing was insurmountable, Kakashi had always taught them. Nothing. Sai had taken that to heart just as much, and he stood on the other side of the undeserving brat they were hoping to defend.

Their team had been broken in so many places, with loss and despair clouding what had once been a shiny innocence. But still they stayed true to the ideals hammered into their heads, and they hoped for the best.

**

* * *

Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est** - _Life is more than merely staying alive_

As the night fell, cooler winds sweeping through the streets of the newly rebuilt Konoha, she slid on her new, polished seat at the large Ichiraku Ramen stand. Naruto looked up briefly from his noodles, slurping sounds only pausing for a second as he winked and smiled at her. Sai, ever the aloof moron, gave a fake smile from beside Naruto, once again returning to whatever piece of art he was creating, although it would be covered in ramen droplets from Naruto's messy eating habits sooner or later.

Sasuke, still prohibited from even thinking about wearing shinobi gear, slid onto the seat next to her, the soft cloth of his blue shirt rubbing against her elbow. His fingernail grazed the wooden counter, back and forth, side to side, as he merely sat there, obviously not in the mood to order anything to eat.

The night was quiet except for the hushed murmurs of villagers making their way home, the occasional cicada singing out across the street in the newly built park. A giggle, a shuffle of feet. The boiling of ramen intertwining with the smell of newly painted wood.

She closed her eyes, breathing it in slowly, taking all the sensory images she could of the peaceful in-between time. She would tape it to her brain, a memory she could pull out on the long and dank missions that she would soon be taking, now that they were up and running again.

It was all hers, this life, and she had bled to get here. The imprint would stay with her until she bled for something else, stolid in her memory compared to feeling it, breathing it in during the moment.

* * *

Well? ^^

* * *


End file.
